Everything’s just been shit so far. I stopped venting my thoughts on facebook because people who call themselves friends have a problem with it. So I decided to stop because I figured it’s probably feeding Teddy’s ego. I’ve been trying hard lately to show that I just do not care. However, just as I had stated before, me not caring only motivates him to slut around and do whatever the fuck he fucken wants. He’ll go out and drink/smoke with his friends and fucken lie to me that he didn’t. Last last Friday when he turned around and didn’t wanna come see me, he said it was because he just wanted to be alone and he just wanted to be someplace closer to his dad. Had his phone turned off for two whole hours. His brother’s a little bitch too, now, and I say that with the proof from that night. When I called him and his phone was off, I called his brother to see if Teddy was with him. Sure enough he lied and claimed he doesn’t know cause he’s out night fishing. When I called Mandy she said Teddy wasn’t home either. I knew instantly that Teddy’s brother lied to me. I called back and what do you know: Teddy answered his brother’s phone. He claimed he was walking around the block and happened to come by his house just as I called. I told him I wasn’t fucken buying it. He told me he’d turn on his phone in ten minutes and talk with me. I didn’t understand why so I accused him of hanging out with his brokeback bitches and that’s why he wouldn’t just turn it on.
When he came over Saturday he ended up staying over for the weekend because his fucken dumb car died on the road. On Sunday when I asked him about Friday night, he finally said that he WAS out with his bitches: that they were hanging out but he kept to himself and didn’t hang out with them or talk to any of them. Tried to sweep me off my feet again but I didn’t take any of the shit he was saying to me.
On Tuesday, I found out that he was actually out at the night barbeque with his bitches on Friday and that’s why he didn’t come see me. Guess why they were having the barbeque though. For his brokeback’s birthday. Okay, honestly it’s been two fucken months since my birthday. For the whole month of March, I didn’t see that bitch cause he kept making excuses to not come see me. Then after that, he just dropped the subject of my birthday and acted like my birthday never passed. And after two months he’s gonna sneak off to hang out with his brokeback boy’s birthday instead of coming to see me. What’s worst is that he used his dad’s illness as an excuse. Honestly if I were his dad, I would disown him cause he’s a fucken liar and is using his dad’s illness as a reason for everything he does. If his dad ever dies (lets hope he doesn’t though) who’s he gonna use next as an excuse? His mom’s loneliness?
All these lies that he builds up one after another. What a fucken bitch too. On that Friday he ditched me for his fucken boys, he had told me that he doesn’t wanna lie to me anymore cause he’s done so much already that he don’t wanna hurt me anymore. When I asked why he lied again, again, and again that night, he claimed he lied for good reasons. What, so you could fuck any girls your bitches bring around to those parties for all of them to line up? FUCK YOU Teddy Lee. You know how I found out? Apparently one of his boys took pictures that night of them drinking and eating and tagged him, but he removed it from his wall so I wouldn’t see. Really? It’s insulting because whenever my brothers offer him a can/bottle of beer, he rejects it and says he doesn’t wanna drink. But if ever one of his boys offer him a beer and the rest of them bitches are there to witness, he takes it and chugs it down like he’s a fucken boss. Rude boy, rude to MY family!! Zomg if I were to be THAT rude to your fucken family, guess where I’d be right now.
I’m so sick and tired of him disrespecting my family. If he ever fucks things up, I’m gonna make sure I make his ass even more broke. Not trying to cash him out or anything, but there are some lives that he fucken owes me. Fuck him so hard in the ass someone PLEASE because he’s a compulsive liar and he’s only gonna keep lying til he fucken dies. If we ever get married and he fucks up, man am I gonna make him live out on the fucken streets. I know my laws and I can throw you out there. Fuck that, I’m not marrying him. I’ll wait til I’m done with school, cash him out of everything he has and owns, and then dump him on the side of the road with his shitty broken-down car. Someone steal his car again, PLEASE so he’d be cashing out some more on some car just asking to be stolen. Thank you.
I’ve been trying to let this slide and not let it hurt me, but it just keeps resurfacing again… So during Easter this year, Teddy’s dad wanted to get a family photo. And when I say FAMILY, it means the ENTIRE clan. So he slowly took pictures starting with the younger kids first, eventually leading to the oldest ones. I took a few photos too. Then eventually, everyone was in the picture except me, Thai and Brandon’s girlfriend, Youa’s brother from SD, and some of Timmy’s friends…
I guess it was a great moment to see the entire clan together for once and being able to take a picture to remember the moment. But then I felt hurt. No one invited me into the picture. I’m not just being narcissistic, but me and Teddy ARE engaged after all…. Teddy was the only one who told me to get into the picture. He only used his hands to tell me to get over there though. I didn’t wanna just jump in when no one else asked me. I don’t know. I’m just really hurt by it and this is one of the things I’ve been thinking about in analyzing whether I should remain with Teddy or not.
I feel like his mom is the only one who likes me. Well, no I take that back… His mom only likes me because I’m in school and she has high hopes that I’d be earning a lot once I graduate so that I can go and support Teddy, his parents, and his remaining unmarried siblings. That’s how I’ve been seeing it. There was a time last year where he had relatives from out of state that came to MN to visit. His mom knew I was on the phone with him and yet she asked him, “Are you gonna go visit ‘phauj’ and them?” Teddy said no and she replied, “Why not? They brought their daughters.” Now their family has had the tendency to marry within the family so far, which was what his mom was probably suggesting: that he get to know his fucking first cousin and eventually date her. Insulted me, honestly.
So I really do not know anymore. I feel secluded from the family when I already care for them so much… I think his parents don’t like me because I am not traditional. I was raised in a family that was a bit more liberal (to an extent of course) so I guess I grew up more American than Hmong…. Sighh….. Life’s been a fucking complete bitch…
I have my fears. I have been afraid lately. I feel like life’s moving on. I should just let things fall into place right? Yesterday I watched a family video posted on FB of him and his family and I cried through it all just in knowing the people I’d miss out on if I moved on… I’m afraid. God help me, I am fucking depressed….
I love tulips :) My mama planted a bunch around our house.
Because I know things will heal with time…♥ Teddy.
I’ve been heartbroken lately. The quote does not belong to me, but it sums up how things have been…
Photo courtesy of greeeneerg
Nothing compares to him.
Tried on green eye shadow. Still trying to figure out how eyeshadow works on my eyes….
I looked through the old bookcases around my house and started reading some of the Goosebumps books, Christipher Pike, etc, basically any horror/thriller books I could find. I’m running out. Do any of you have suggestions for any good thriller books? And do you know of any cheap bookstores around (No Barnes and Noble or Half Priced Bookstore please)? Thank you very much! It’s what I’ve been doing with my days lately. Kindda sad really, cause I’m using the last two weeks of my summer before school to read. Ai yai yai, I’m gonna be doing that all year =[ Thanks again!
All that I have to say to my stalker is: Please stop creeping on my stuff (whichever website you’re using to do so) and leave me with some sanity. You’ve already stolen enough of it, you greedy “dementor” (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban).